Narcissus

by Evan Diem

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03:15
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04:33
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02:03
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04:13
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02:06
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03:45

about

This album is about so many things, some personal, some viewed from a distance and some completely fabricated. It's up to you to figure out which are which.

My goal for this album was not to base it around a specific lyrical theme, rather to try different things musically. It made the album title, cover and track list a lot harder to formulate but eventually it came together with a lot of help from my incredibly supportive friends.

credits

released March 20, 2017

All songs written, recorded and mixed by Evan Diem, with additional recording and mixing help by Ben Mueller.

All percussion recorded by the irreplaceable Ben Mueller.

Album art by the glorious Natalie Padberg Bartoo.

Special thanks to everybody who listened to drafts of this album and critiqued it. You are so incredibly important to these projects and I don't think I could do it without each and every one of you: Ben, Spencer, Caroline, Joe and of course Lydia.

Thank you to anybody who has ever left a positive comment on a video or song of mine, they may seem small and insignificant but they let me know I'm moving in the right direction.

Thank you to dogs, Christmas parties, angry aunts, friends who have low self-esteem, girls I almost dated, old racist couples, old houses, finally using choruses I wrote years ago, bad talent show hosts, bugs, wordplay, and throwaway song ideas.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Evan Diem Oswego, New York

I'm a guy from Connecticut living at SUNY Oswego. I write and record and I play my own instruments. I'm just trying to entertain.

contact / help

Contact Evan Diem

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Track Name: All Dogs
Held you still in the backseat as we drove you home from your foster house.
Spent the whole first day getting an idea of your stomping grounds.
Had to buy a better leash 'cause you spent that day pulling me around,
but it was fine that way. You were here to stay.

Caused anger with your happiness just excited to be alive.
You just about settled down by the time that you turned five.
Always sat on my salute, when I asked you to jump you'd bark "How high?"
But you were born that way, loyal 'til your dying day.

Because good pups get remembered and all dogs go to heaven anyway.

You'd fallen through a roof before I met you,
your willingness to live never came to question.
Anybody threatened by your bared-teeth smile
had confused aggression and affection, yeah.

Spent afternoons on the lawn just lounging or defending.
To leave without saying goodbye was probably not what you intended.
But I never taught you to play dead, so I can't pretend you were pretending.

Because good pups get remembered and all dogs go to heaven anyway.
Because good pups get remembered and all dogs go to heaven in a way.
It's easier to say, say goodbye from far away.
Because good pups get remembered and all dogs go to heaven anyway.
Don't have to believe it, but it feels good to say.
Track Name: This Little Heart Of Me
Children down in the living room
Children running through the halls.
I was locked here by myself
but I am not alone at all.

Broke down blockade in the hallway
Someone went up and tripped and fell,
one foot through the second floor boards
toe-tips touching the tops of hell.

Is this a party if I don't want a part of it?
This little heart of me does not endorse the thought of it
What does this heart see unrested, unaccompanied?
This little heart of me is steeped in tea and ennui.

Holi-decor on the wall hooks,
lights strung up on my last nerve.
Bitter lonesome through the year, looks
like I get what I deserve.

Is this a party if I don't want a part of it?
This little heart of me does not endorse the thought of it
What does this heart see unrested, unaccompanied?
This little heart of me is steeped in tea and ennui.
Track Name: Coffee Date
Keep your head above the clouds.
It's a long way to stretch your feet.
Fly in at an hour after noon
on a turbojet Matthew 7:13.

You pray for safe travel,
but the plane drops like a stone.
Screaming like a meteorite,
right through the roof of your glass home.

So judge not lest ye be judged.
Grudge not lest ye begrudge.
You don't have to know me
for you to stay wholly holy
But what you don't know can't hurt you,
but you don't know that it can hurt me.

She ate turkish dessert,
you ate at her soul.
You told her to fill it with Jesus,
but you were the one that was digging that hole.

I'm never going to make your day
so keep me out of your agenda.
Maybe it's a twisted kind of love but
you sure as hell don't know where ours is going to end up.

So judge not lest ye be judged.
Grudge not lest ye begrudge.
You don't have to know me
for you to stay wholly holy
But what you don't know can't hurt you,
but you don't know that it can hurt me.

So smile that fake Christian smile
I'll show you the devil in my eyes
You told me to walk that fake Christian mile in your shoes
when you'd only have to walk a half a mile in mine.

Judge not lest ye be judged.
Grudge not lest ye begrudge.
You don't have to know me
for you to stay wholly holy.

So judge not lest ye be judged.
Grudge not lest ye begrudge.
You don't have to know me
for you to stay wholly holy
But what you don't know can't hurt you,
but you don't know that it can hurt me.
Track Name: Someone Should've Told You
Someone should've told you that you were a catch.
Someone should've told you that you were the best.
Someone should've told you they loved you and to never resent it.
Someone should've told you they loved you, someone should've meant it.

But there is no savior, it's in ourselves.
We are the makers of our own hell
and I will help you if you feel cursed.
We can all love, but you gotta love you first.

Someone should've told you that you were the bomb
Someone should've told you, you got it goin' on.
Someone should've told you that you got the moves
Someone should've told you, someone should've told you the truth.

Someone should've told you that you were a catch.
Someone should've told you that you were the best.
Someone should've told you they loved you and to never resent it.
Someone should've told you they loved you, someone should've meant it.

But there is no savior, it's in ourselves.
We are the makers of our own hell
and I will help you if you feel cursed.
We can all love, but you gotta love you first.
Track Name: To...
I never know where I stand,
by your side or in your past.
I find myself talking to your back
'til you come back.

I have one hand, it belongs to you. It belongs to you.
I have a half heart, it belongs to you if you want it to.

The glass will stay half empty
unless you pour yourself in, too.
I will share my cup with you,
but I won't share you.

I have one hand, it belongs to you. It belongs to you.
I have a half heart, it belongs to you if you want it to.
Track Name: Greene House
You can't make me feel safe in your home
if you don't feel safe 'cause I'm there.
If you refused to host me that's better
but don't make it seem like you care.

I would rather you kicked me out now
than feed me from a house that breeds hatred.
And I'll tear all the cotton blend clothes from your body
and be temperate to just leave you naked.

And I will burn this racist house down
and I will turn the black ashen ground.
And the red flames on the black smoke
is the blood on the people, the people who built this town.

There are too many things that you've taken
to continue to treat us this way.
If you're scared yet again by black voice
just imagine what the natives would say.

We will come through and take all of your lights,
we will send you back to the arcade,
you can't use your super-soaker to save you,
but your diamonds will be fine in a fire-proof safe.

And I will burn this racist house down
and I will turn the black ashen ground.
And the red flames on the black smoke
is the blood on the people, the people who built this town.
Track Name: Whispered Home
Whisper from the walls
creaking lamentations.
I can hear you
through the window panes
through the fire place
in the bathrooms and the hallways of our home.

Put your head to floor
listen for the footprints
grooved in the tile wax.
Lain upon on the worst days
mopped up for their birth days
we can hear the first and the last steps they took.

We can let the water flow
from every tap we can.
I don't want to let you go
I want to know what you've had
Everything you left behind
becomes antiquity.
So we can let the water flow
and listen for history.

Flip on the light switch
of the last room to investigate.
Rummage through closets and cabinets.
Dust reads like a glossary;
chairs worn down by the cavalry.
we can hear the footnotes and the whispered harmonies.
We can hear the footnotes and the whispered harmonies.
We can hear the footnotes and the whispered harmonies.
Track Name: Little Bit Longer
Leave the tip on the table,
walk you out with hand on hip.
I'm a bit unstable,
but it was such a lovely trip.
Figured I'd walk you home,
just a couple minutes down the road.
And then I've got to go but you look at me and say "No, you don't."

"I've got everything that you could ever need here at my place."
No need to argue, for me it's hard to even depart you
when you say "Stay..."

"A little bit longer, and a little bit closer
A little bit longer, and a little bit closer."
She said I want you to stay.

Close the curtains, put the TV volume down.
No intention for us to watch, just provide a little background sound.
Hopefully wake up after paid programming is done.
You got blackouts, save us rude interruptions from the sun.

But by noon I've got to go, oh damn it babe, it's such a shame.
So you roll over onto your shoulder look at me and smolder and you say, "Stay..."

"A little bit longer, and a little bit closer
A little bit longer, and a little bit closer."
She said I want you to stay.
"A little bit longer, and a little bit closer
A little bit longer, and a little bit closer."
She said I want you to stay.

Now it's only fair that it's your turn to walk me home.
We're doing circles around my stairs, just like you to get me going.
Yeah you can come in, I guess you haven't seen it yet.
Not the apartment, no I mean the new sheets on my bed.

"It just so happens I've got everything you could ever need at my place."
No need to wait, there's no debate, guess it's a date, don't have to say,
"Stay."

"A little bit longer, and a little bit closer
A little bit longer, and a little bit closer."
She said I want you to stay.
"A little bit longer, and a little, little, little bit closer
and little bit longer, and yeah a little, little bit closer."
She said I want you to stay.
and I said I want you to stay
We said we don't want this to change
And we said we want this to stay.
Track Name: Set Me Up
You can set the stage up
it'll only break my heart.
You can light my face up
it'll only be there at the start.
Let the winner dance now
get on up out of your seats.
Enter foreign space crowd
I'm not sad in defeat.

Didn't know me better
now I know you're worse.
You're a fine upsetter
and you never tried to set me up.

If you'd wanted to burn me
you should've just let me know.
If you'd bothered to learn
we wouldn't have had a problem with the show.
Let me level with you
this is not my scene.
If I'm not what you're in to
I should be in between

a facsimile dancer
and then nine more.
I'm a line embedder
and you could've tried to set me up.

Didn't know me better
now I know you're worse.
You're a fine upsetter
and you never tried to set me up.
Track Name: ...And Through
I stay in one place as you circle around
where my ship has run aground,
won't you come aground?

I take this magic pill and I swallow my pride with it.
Anything I broke I try to fix it.
Anything you broke I try to fix it.

And I can't stand it and I can't stand up.
I can't handle it and I can't handle you
unless you let me through, unless you let me through.
Unless you let me through to you.
Track Name: King Of Antlions
Crawling up the walls,
resting on the ceiling.
Flitting out a lacewing,
try and catch a feeling.

Long, thin body.
Longer, thinner legs.
Stop by in the corner of the room
dropping off eggs.

We will crush you like a bug
but we're scared of your roar.
Hide all leads 'til you're in reach,
should've never let you in doors.

Show up in the garden,
nest down in the weeds.
Ambush from the pitfalls
masquerading as seeds.

Presiding to protect
all your smaller subjects.
A monarchy like butterfly wings
whose reign is suspect.

We would run you out of office
if you had any stake to claim.
You're unelected with no restraints,
we'll flush your body down the drain.
Yeah!

We will run you out of our house
in the bloodiest of coups.
Can't coexist with the insect of the exorcist,
what are we to do?
What are we to do?
Yeaagh!
Track Name: Idiomsyncrasy
You wanna be judge, jury and executioner but
when killing the jury is institutional
where do you stand?
With your neck in your own noose, with the trapdoor lever in your hand.

In a dog-eat-dog world you wanna be the alpha male.
Top dog's all gotta fight tooth or nail in a cirlce.
Ouroboros and closing holes,
the next top dog's already tagged your toes.

Four billion years of evolution lead to you,
you look at where we're going
we've got four billion years left to go.

Pocket full of conmen with tricks up their sleeves
never ending handkerchiefs just in case they sneeze
fool me once,
fool me twice, fool me for the rest of my life.

Sift through the broken bottles in your yard
warming up the lonely cockles of your heart by the nickel.
The stranglehold on what's been sold doesn't turn your glitter into gold.

Four billion years of evolution lead to you,
you look at where we're going
we've got four billion years left to go.
Track Name: Kleptomaniac
Have you got all you want?
There's always more for me to give.
'Cause if that's what it takes to be the one.
Then I will rewrite the narrative.

I'll say that I bought it all for you,
deep down in my heart it might be true.
'Cause I'm in love with a kleptomaniac.
You've stolen my heart and won't give it back.

You've always taken my breath away,
the steps up to your door were an uphill climb.
Couldn't remember how we'd spend the days,
started to notice when you took up all my time.

I'll say that I spent it all with you,
deep down in my heart it might be true.
'Cause I'm in love with a kleptomaniac.
You've stolen my life and won't give it back.

My car was always out of gas whenever I dropped you off.
I realized something shady was coming on strong.
You didn't just steal my sunshine,
you stole the whole album it was on.

We'd finished passing through Miami
when I knew for sure things were headed south.

When you stole the words right out of my mouth.

I'll say that I gave them all to you,
deep down in my heart it might be true.
'Cause I'm in love with a kleptomaniac.
You've stolen everything I own and won't give it back.

I'll say that I gave my all to you.
deep down in my heart it might be true.
'Cause I'm in love with a kleptomaniac.
You've stolen everything I own and won't give it back.